I use to read The Alchemist and view myself as Santiago and in general found myself reading a lot of hero's journey stories and thinking I needed to go out and find my treasure. It wasn't until I read Paulo Coelho explain that women don't need to go on a journey to seek their treasure, which I first thought was sexist, but he goes on to say because they are the treasure. That's when I realized I was reading the novel from the wrong perspective. The character Fatima is what I should have tried to embody in that the same way the desert gave her Santiago, as a feminine, I should have trust and faith that what is meant for me will inevitably find me. So I ended up going on a heroine's journey much like in the book by Maureen Murdock and coming back to myself.
Love that. I like the 'heroes journey' and was a big fan of that sort of thing when I was younger and still more identified with that stuff. I think sometimes the issue is women overdo it and end up finding/claiming things that aren't right for them. Again, a taboo idea in our culture, but the passive "letting things find you" is often a much healthier thing for women.
Probably not in the way you intended but this did confirm some theories I've had in my head.
Most of my life I've felt strangely misunderstood by others in a way that wasn't the usual misfit sense. I felt, almost too un-misfit, actually. At some point I started to realize I was a very left-brain thinker, and most women (who I was usually grouped with by schools because I'm supposed to feel happier and safer in women's only groups, I guess?) seem to have more of a dominant right-brain - or, as you put it, the natural state isn't all this logic and planning. And it's led to people treating me as if they're trying to crack open a cocoon expecting there to be a butterfly hidden inside me that just isn't... there.
I'm not trying to argue against the gender differences you outline. I think you're right, as being an outlier has made me feel them very, very visibly. Most of my characters in my writing are men, I hide my gender in some online forums, and I've almost never had a fulfilling friendship with other girls... Because paradoxically, though many have called me corrupted internalized something or other, I think I was just born with a more masculine spirit. For me, probably just me, specifically, it's not something that needs to be fixed.
I totally relate to feeling odd and out of place in girls groups throughout my youth due to being too masculine for them, and it sounds like you've felt it even more (eg. I don't want to talk to you about where I got my hair done lol). Even though I identify as more feminine-natured, I always made male characters when I wrote stories as a kid and always felt 'boyish' in some ways. At least where I grew up, there was a very narrow window of what 'feminine' encompassed, and I was a bit too 'thinky' and rebelious to fit. Now I view it as very natural and simply being 'in touch' with the different parts of me, but unfortunately some will project things onto you, like you said :)
I use to read The Alchemist and view myself as Santiago and in general found myself reading a lot of hero's journey stories and thinking I needed to go out and find my treasure. It wasn't until I read Paulo Coelho explain that women don't need to go on a journey to seek their treasure, which I first thought was sexist, but he goes on to say because they are the treasure. That's when I realized I was reading the novel from the wrong perspective. The character Fatima is what I should have tried to embody in that the same way the desert gave her Santiago, as a feminine, I should have trust and faith that what is meant for me will inevitably find me. So I ended up going on a heroine's journey much like in the book by Maureen Murdock and coming back to myself.
Love that. I like the 'heroes journey' and was a big fan of that sort of thing when I was younger and still more identified with that stuff. I think sometimes the issue is women overdo it and end up finding/claiming things that aren't right for them. Again, a taboo idea in our culture, but the passive "letting things find you" is often a much healthier thing for women.
Probably not in the way you intended but this did confirm some theories I've had in my head.
Most of my life I've felt strangely misunderstood by others in a way that wasn't the usual misfit sense. I felt, almost too un-misfit, actually. At some point I started to realize I was a very left-brain thinker, and most women (who I was usually grouped with by schools because I'm supposed to feel happier and safer in women's only groups, I guess?) seem to have more of a dominant right-brain - or, as you put it, the natural state isn't all this logic and planning. And it's led to people treating me as if they're trying to crack open a cocoon expecting there to be a butterfly hidden inside me that just isn't... there.
I'm not trying to argue against the gender differences you outline. I think you're right, as being an outlier has made me feel them very, very visibly. Most of my characters in my writing are men, I hide my gender in some online forums, and I've almost never had a fulfilling friendship with other girls... Because paradoxically, though many have called me corrupted internalized something or other, I think I was just born with a more masculine spirit. For me, probably just me, specifically, it's not something that needs to be fixed.
I totally relate to feeling odd and out of place in girls groups throughout my youth due to being too masculine for them, and it sounds like you've felt it even more (eg. I don't want to talk to you about where I got my hair done lol). Even though I identify as more feminine-natured, I always made male characters when I wrote stories as a kid and always felt 'boyish' in some ways. At least where I grew up, there was a very narrow window of what 'feminine' encompassed, and I was a bit too 'thinky' and rebelious to fit. Now I view it as very natural and simply being 'in touch' with the different parts of me, but unfortunately some will project things onto you, like you said :)